


to be loved like this

by artsyleo



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ben Mitchell Loves Callum "Halfway" Highway, Boys In Love, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29566368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: He takes the envelope from the table without too much thought, ripping the back open and tugging out the card that’s inside. It’s one of the cheesy valentine’s ones that seem to be everywhere with flowers on the front and a cutesy message, and Callum’s immediate thought is that it’s Ben, and it’s all some elaborate scheme and it sets off this warm tickling feeling through his stomach.He opens it, and that feeling dissipates immediately when his eyes travel over the words.Happy Valentine’s, my little dove.All my love,Mum x
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 17
Kudos: 70





	to be loved like this

**Author's Note:**

> tw for mentions of childhood abuse/neglect
> 
> also this is built on the couple of lines that i can remember them saying about callum and his mum so a lot of it i just kinda made up so just go with me okay

When Callum finally gets in at the end of the day, feet weary and head spinning a little from the  _ day  _ that he’s had, it’s like bliss. All that’s been occupying his mind all day is the man that he’d left in bed this morning, looking up at him through half lidded eyes and a smile that feels like it holds too much for him, that makes him go reaching for his ring finger. 

(It’s empty, but Ben’s promised with a quiet word that it won’t be for long.)

He’d left Ben with a quiet  _ hurry back  _ ringing in his ears, and it’s pretty much the only thing he’s thought about. That, and the things that he’s got planned for tonight- candles and Ben’s favourite dinner, something that he’s not cooked in a while. The thought of going to the shop yesterday to pick it all up makes him smile, probably more than a thought of going to the minute mart for food should. For the first time, all of the hearts and flowers and cheesy things that he’d seen didn’t feel like such a nauseating thing. It’s all over the top and somewhat performative but that’s almost the beauty of it, and maybe it’s cheesy but it’s kind of nice that he’s got someone that he wants to do all that with now. 

Callum sighs a little when he gets back to an empty house, somewhat glad of the peace after the inevitable chaos of the station. He drops his bag to the floor and tugs off his jacket, going to hang it on the back of one of the chairs while he makes a hot chocolate and that’s when he notices it. 

An envelope, laid out on the table. Tinged a little pink and creased at one of the corners from where it’s been held. His name, and the address of the flat above the parlour are written on the front in handwriting that feels distantly familiar. There’s a note next to it that’s clearly in Stuart’s handwriting, scrawled on the back of a ripped piece of newspaper in black pen- 

_ came 4 you earlier so i dropped it round - stu  _

The thought makes him smile a little, and he resolves that he needs to call Stuart tomorrow, because they need some brother time. 

He takes the envelope from the table without too much thought, ripping the back open and tugging out the card that’s inside. It’s one of the cheesy valentine’s ones that seem to be everywhere with flowers on the front and a cutesy message, and Callum’s immediate thought is that it’s Ben, and it’s all some elaborate scheme and it sets off this warm tickling feeling through his stomach. 

He opens it, and that feeling dissipates immediately when his eyes travel over the words. 

_ Happy Valentine’s, my little dove.  _

_ All my love,  _

_ Mum x _

The handwriting burns in it’s familiarity, because there’s so much of a woman he doesn’t really know in it. It’s one of the things he does recognise about her, because the years have burnt away any memory that he did have of her face. Callum probably wouldn’t know what she looks like, but he knows this handwriting, and  _ he knows that name _ . 

_ My little dove _ . 

He has a memory of a voice, kind and soft and it’s the one thing that has stood through all of his mind trying desperately to forget. Callum knows that it’s something she always used to call him as a baby, and it’s what she’s always written in these cards. 

Because he’s always gotten them- every year that he can remember after she left. He remembers his Dad ripping them up when he was younger, but he’d take the ripped up pieces and hide them, in a box that he’s still got now. 

It’s been a comfort, most of the time- something of a tie to innocence, something to remind him that there was good about his childhood. 

For some reason this year it feels different. With everything being as it is - and the fact that he’s been planning his  _ wedding _ in his head ever since that night - it feels like a reminder of everything he wishes that maybe he could have. There have been moments in all of this, in between the bliss and this dreamy state that he exists in most of the time now because  _ he’s going to marry the love of his life  _ where he imagines having a parent to walk him down the aisle, someone to truly give him away because they know him that well, care that much about his happiness. Sure, he’s got Mick and he’s got Stuart and most of the time that’s enough for him - because Callum’s always been the sort to be content with what he’s got and the fact that it could be so much worse - but right now, especially staring at the handwriting of someone he doesn’t really know but feels like he should, Callum finds himself missing this childhood that he’s never had. 

Sometimes he wonders how different it would be if she had stayed. It’s always a thought to be indulged in the middle of the night because he’s never actually talked to anyone about this. It’s a path he explores when he can stare into the dark ceiling, just illuminated by the streetlights outside. It’s not a sad thing, as such- just curiosity getting the better of him, allowing him to sink into that simple dream of  _ what if _ . He thinks that maybe so many things could be different. He could have left that house, could have not known what his dad was actually capable of. Callum could have known himself- maybe he could have had those years of young love, of living a childhood that didn’t feel like it belonged to someone else, he could have avoided breaking Whitney’s heart like he did. It makes him angry sometimes, all of the things that  _ could have been  _ but he supposes life is built up of these little  _ what if  _ moments and there’s no point hanging onto them, and maybe if he hadn’t have been with Whitney he wouldn’t have met Ben. 

(Any reality where he doesn’t have Ben is one that he doesn’t want, regardless of what he has to go through to get there.)

All of this- it’s a fairly recent realisation and maybe that’s what leaves the slightly bitter taste in his mouth when he sees the name signed in the card. 

_ Mum x _

He’s not sure what else he’d want her to write, but that feels like too much and too little all at once for the effect that she’s had on his life, even if he doesn’t remember her face. 

It becomes apparent that he’s just been stood staring down at the table for a while now when the sound of footsteps startles him out of his thoughts. 

“Mm, thought I heard the door,” Ben’s voice calls out from down the hall, and soon Callum ends up with arms curling around his waist. It only takes him a minute to notice the sleeves of his grey hoodie on Ben’s arms, the ends just almost covering his thumbs (and isn’t  _ that  _ the most adorable thing?) and he can’t help but smile, and this little burst of possessiveness curls through his chest, just for a second because he can’t deny that he loves seeing Ben in his clothes. He tries to tamp down on the grin that it brings to his face but it’s hopeless, and he turns to Ben’s arms to press a kiss to waiting lips. “Welcome home,  _ fiance.”  _

(The word  _ fiance  _ burns something fierce through Callum’s chest and he reckons it always will- at least until it’s replaced by  _ husband _ .)

“Like it when you call me that,” Callum whispers out against the other man’s lips before he can stop himself- not that he was trying all that hard. 

Ben pulls away and his eyebrow curls up. “ _ Fiance _ . I like the sound of it too. Suits ya.” 

“Oh yeah?” Callum laughs, and he can’t stop leaning forward, can’t seem to stop connecting their lips together just slightly over and over, and he never wants to stop. “What you been up to?” 

“Thinking about my super hot fiance, mostly,” Ben replies, and Callum will never understand how he manages to say stuff like that with a straight face. “Looked at those venues you found though.” 

Talk of the wedding once again surges something hot and wonderful through Callum. “Oh yeah? What’re you thinking?” 

“Thinking I wanna marry you,” Ben says, and Callum just rolls his eyes playfully. “I like the second one and the last one. Also kinda like the idea of doing it in the square but that depends on when we do it, because I don’t fancy freezing my balls off on my wedding day.” 

Callum can see the next thought as it curls onto Ben’s face, something about balls and wedding night, so he kisses him instead. Ben laughs into the kiss, as if he knows exactly what Callum’s doing and it’s sweet and light and  _ fuck,  _ he’s so in love. 

Ben pulls away for a moment, if only to bury his face in Callum’s neck. He gets up onto his tiptoes like he has to sometimes to hook his chin over Callum’s shoulder, and it’s one of these ridiculously endearing things that he absolutely adores about Ben. He just  _ has  _ to hold him closer in that moment, arms curling heavily around his back. 

It almost makes him forget everything else, right there in Ben’s arms until he speaks again. 

“Oh, got a secret admirer have you?” Ben says, and the hint of possessiveness in his voice almost makes him laugh, until it clicks in his head what he’s looking at.

“No, uh,” Callum replies, and pulls reluctantly away from Ben’s arms to grab the card from the table to hold it out. “It’s from my mum. She does it every year- Stuart said he brought it ‘round earlier.”

Maybe sometime in the past he would have been more hesitant about all of this, because his family isn’t really something he’s  _ proud  _ to talk about, but the only thing he wants to do right now is share all of this with Ben. He’s got this sudden urge for Ben to just  _ know  _ it all, because they’re going to spend their lives together and he doesn’t want any secrets, no matter how small they are. 

Ben’s eyes go soft and concerned, and takes the card from Callum’s hand. He looks over it quickly before putting it back on the table. “You okay?” 

Callum sighs. “I guess? I don’t know, it’s just- she does it every year, I don’t know why it’s bothering me now.” 

“A lot’s changed in the past year, babe,” Ben says, and a hand comes under his chin, guiding his face just gently so that their eyes meet. “I don’t blame you for feeling weird about it. It’s okay, you know, and I’m glad you told me. You- uh, you wanna talk about it?” 

Callum watches Ben’s eyes in the moment, and he’s hit with this flood of  _ how did I ever get here _ because he still has to convince himself that he can just have this sometimes. 

“You mind? I know it ain’t exactly ideal Valentine’s plans,” Callum replies- it’s not like they  _ won’t  _ do anything later, because he refuses to let the stuff that he’d bought yesterday for dinner go to waste, but it still makes a little guilt curl into his stomach. 

“Babe, I’m with you. That’s all I need,” Ben says, and then rolls his eyes while this little smile creeps onto his face. “God, if anyone heard me around you I’d lose my image in a minute. What  _ have  _ you done to me, Cal.” 

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Callum laughs. 

“I’ll stick the kettle on then, sit yourself down.” 

They’re quiet for a few minutes while Ben moves around the kitchen, taking two mugs out of the cupboard and putting hot chocolate powder in one and coffee in the other. It’s moments like this that leave Callum wondering again- thinking about when it happened that Ben knows him  _ so well _ . He supposes it’s something that happens over time- a gradual understanding of each other, the little things that Ben might pick up every day and suddenly he knows him like no one else. It’s terrifying, but it’s also comforting that someone wants to know him that much. 

The quiet gives him the chance to settle the way things still seem to be racing in his head. By the time Ben turns back with two mugs he’s slipped into a chair, shoes toed off and by the door and the card open in front of him, because it feels like a good place to start. 

“Thank you,” Callum says, offering Ben a smile when he hands the mug over. 

Ben slips into the chair opposite him, and takes a sip of his coffee, before slipping a hand across the table. It falls into Callum’s effortlessly, fingers lacing together like they’re meant to be there and maybe they are. Callum’s eyes fall to where their hands lay until Ben squeezes his hand, and he looks up- Ben looks towards the card again. “Can I?” 

“Sure.”

Ben takes the card with his other hand and presses it open against the table. There’s a hint of recognition when his eyes fall over a couple of the words. 

“ _ Dove _ ,” Ben says with a little smile. “Is that-”

“Meaning of my name, apparently. She, uh, she used to call me it all the time,” he replies. “It’s about the only memory I have of her- her calling me that.”

Ben meets his eyes again then, this soft look in them but it’s not pitying, it’s sympathy and it makes him feel so  _ loved _ . “Did she leave when you were young then?” 

“Yeah. I was three, I think? That’s what Stu said,” he replies, allowing the feeling of Ben’s thumb stroking over his hand to just overtake him for a minute. “She always used to do this- send cards and stuff. Dad used to, uh, used to rip them up when they came. I’d keep them though, kept them all in this box under my bed. I don’t know why, really. I think I used to think that she’d come back one day- wanted to show her that I’d saved them all, that I’d kept them. When I realised she- she wasn’t coming back- I don’t know, maybe it sounds stupid but it felt like some sort of proof that she cared, even if she left.”

“It’s not stupid at all, love,” Ben says, voice quiet and careful. “You were young, you were living with your dad- you just wanted to hold onto her, no one could blame you for that.” 

Callum nods a little. “Yeah. She’s done it every year since. Even used to get them when I was in the army. God, I- I don’t know why it’s got me this year. I think you’re right, it’s just- everything changing.  _ You _ .”

( _ You  _ doesn’t feel significant enough for everything that Ben’s done, every way in which Ben’s changed his life but he doesn’t have the words right now.)

“Can’t blame you, I mean I’m great with parents. Mums love me,” Ben says with a smile and it’s so perfectly  _ him  _ that it startles a laugh out of Callum. 

“I think I was just- with the wedding and everything, I’ve been thinking about it all. Inviting people and stuff, and then just getting the card- just made me think about her, how I barely even know her. She could walk down the street right next to me and I’d never know.”

“Do you think you’d want to meet her?” Ben asks, taking another sip of his coffee. 

Callum sighs. “I don’t even know. I think I’ve built it up too much, I’d probably be disappointed. I mean- what if she’s like Dad? What if she- she found out about us and she was just the same? What if I’m just as much of a disappointment to her as I am to Dad?” 

“Hey,  _ no _ . Cal, look at me,” Ben says, squeezing his hand. His other hand stretches across the table knocking just under his chin so that their eyes connect again. “You are  _ not  _ a disappointment. Not to anyone that matters. If you wanted to meet her- well, she would be lucky to know you.” 

It makes Callum’s heart race, being  _ loved  _ like this. It’s something he used to not even be able to imagine having and yet here he is, and he’s going to get married to a man that adores him for exactly who he is. “Really?” 

“Of course,” Ben smiles gently back at him and he can’t help but squirm under his gaze because, not for the first time, it feels like too much. “No question.” 

Callum’s gaze slips back to the card that’s still laid out on the table, a hand reaching out to pull it back across to him. 

_ My little dove _ . 

“I think I might, uh, talk to Stuart about it,” he says after a minute. “He knew her better than I did.”

“Whatever you decide to do, babe, I’m right here. Whatever you want,” Ben replies, squeezing his hand again, fingers gentle as they stroke over his own. “I’m so proud of you, you know?” 

There’s a genuine look in Ben’s eyes when he meets them, and someone being  _ proud  _ of him- it’s so much. “Thank you.” 

Ben just smiles back at him. He just looks for a minute and they’re both quiet, lost in each other and if Callum’s to get lost anywhere, he wants it to be in Ben’s eyes. 

“I can’t wait to marry you,” Callum blurts out, voice quiet. It’s an impulse, a thought that’s been racing around his head and he just has to say, but he doesn’t regret it. Ben looks back at him, surprise in his eyes for a minute before it settles into pure, unfiltered  _ love.  _

“Me neither.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay this spawned from my incessant need to know more about the highway fam, especially with the wedding and stuff (it never leaves my mind istg) and it accidently became more fluffy than i meant it to be but yeah- also i was supposed to post this around valentines but i blinked and it's like a week later so here you go   
> i hope you enjoyed, comments and kudos mean the absolute world to me and lots of love to yall (oo and also if you wanna come rant about the highways with me on tumblr i very enthusiastically invite you to @bensdove)  
> leo x


End file.
